Are you feeling sad or unhappy? Are you always thinking of bad things that happen to you? Coming here to this blog post will make you laugh and laugh again.
Our funny quotes will turn your bad mood into a smile, laughter, and happiness.
Smiling and laughing are the best medicines to cure a sad or unhappy mood. Whether your day is very challenging or something bad happened, just be ready to take some coffee and start reading these funny quotes to turn your sad mood into a laugh and smile.
Funny Thoughts and Jokes
⦁ I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already. - Tommy Cooper
⦁ I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. - Emo Philips
⦁ I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.
⦁ My doctor asked if anyone in my family suffers from insanity. I replied, 'No, we all seem to enjoy it.
⦁ I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens. - Woody Allen
⦁ Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don’t want to have to restart my collection.
⦁ I hugged a cute girl, I don’t care if they’ arrest me for public indecency
⦁ Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the Bible says to love your enemy. - Frank Sinatra
⦁ They say age is just a number. I say it's a way to count the rings around my tree trunk.
⦁ I don't always tell the truth, but when I do, it's usually because I can't remember the lie I told you last.
⦁ My bank account is like the Bermuda Triangle. Money goes in and never comes out.
⦁ Vegetables are good for you. That's why rabbits eat them all the times.
⦁ Women are like teabags. You don't know how strong they are until they're in hot water. - Eleanor Roosevelt
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Short Funny Quotes
⦁ Love is sharing your popcorn. - Charles Schultz
⦁ I'm trying to think, but nothing happens. - Curly Howard
⦁ I'm not lazy, I'm just highly motivated to do nothing.
⦁ To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people. - Wanda
⦁ I intend to live forever. So far, so good. - Steven Wright
⦁ A day without sunshine is like, you know night. - Steve Martin
⦁ I'm great in bed. I can sleep for days.
⦁ Wine is the answer. What was the question again?.
⦁ I'm not addicted to coffee, we're just in a committed relationship.
⦁ Never do anything out of hunger. Not even eating. - Frank Semyon
⦁ I'm having a great day. Don't ruin it by talking to me.
⦁ If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?. - Jerry Seinfeld
⦁ Inside abnormal, there is normal; inside nonsense, there is sense. - Onipede Ayomide
⦁ I'm not crazy, my reality is just different than yours.
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Funny Quotes About People
⦁ I believe in loyalty. When a woman reaches an age she likes, she should stick with it. - Eva Gabor
⦁ People love being married. It's so great to find that one special person they want to annoy for the rest of your life. - Rita Rudner
⦁ I don't exercise, but I do like to run around occasionally. Especially when chased. - Woody Allen
⦁ People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made. - Joan Rivers
⦁ I'm not sure what's wrong with some people. They don't even drink. How can you have a full life without wine?. - Jack Benny
⦁ I don't always tell the truth, but when I do, it's usually because I can't remember the lie I told you last.
⦁ My bank account is like the Bermuda Triangle. Money goes in and never comes out.
⦁ I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.
⦁ Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. - George Carlin
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Funny Quotes For Happiness
⦁ I intend to live forever. So far, so good. - Steven Wright
⦁ The shortest period of time lies between the minute you put some money away for a rainy day and the unexpected arrival of rain. - Jane Bryant Quinn
⦁ Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. - George Burns
⦁ I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.
⦁ I'm not crazy; I just feel motivated while playing songs.
⦁ Whoever said that money can’t buy happiness, simply didn’t know where to go shopping. - Bo Derek
⦁ People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made. - Joan Rivers
⦁ Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder. - Henry David Thoreau
Funny Morning Quotes
⦁ A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. - Steve Martin
⦁ I'm not a morning person. Or an afternoon person. Or a night person. I'm more of a 'leave me alone' person.
⦁ I love the smell of napalm in the morning … it smells like victory. - Robert Duvall
⦁ I’m not a morning person. I’m a coffee person.
⦁ Every morning I wake up torn between the desire to save the world and the inclination to savor it. - E.B. White
⦁ I need a good breakfast to wake up. Five more minutes in bed won’t help.
⦁ I always say 'morning' instead of 'good morning' because if it was a good morning, I’d still be in bed.
⦁ Morning comes whether you set the alarm or not. - Ursula K. Le Guin
⦁ I don’t need an alarm clock. My ideas wake me. - Ray Bradbury
Funny Quotes About Life
⦁ I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort. - Zach Galifianakis
⦁ Life is like looking for your phone, most of the time it's in your hand.
⦁ Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving. - Albert Einstein
⦁ Life is short and sweet. Eat dessert first.
⦁ So be wise, because the world needs more wisdom, and if you cannot be wise, pretend to be someone who is wise, and then just behave like they would. - Neil Gaiman
⦁ Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. - Elbert Hubbard
⦁ I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party. - Ron White
⦁ You can't make everyone happy because you're not an avocado.
Funny Quotes About Success
⦁ The road to success is always under construction. - Lily Tomlin
⦁ If at first you don't succeed, try again and learn. Try again and again and learn; keep on trying. You will just see yourself growing and succeeding.
⦁ Never follow anyone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path. - Ellen DeGeneres
⦁ Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well. - Mark Twain
⦁ All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure. - Mark Twain
⦁ If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?. - Jerry Seinfeld
⦁ If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you. - Steven Wright
⦁ Inside abnormal, there is normal; inside nonsense, there is sense. - Onipede Ayomide
Funny Quotes About Couples
⦁ I still miss my ex, but my aim is improving.
⦁ I love you more than coffee, but please don't make me prove it.
⦁ We enjoy being married so much that we even have dinner together.
⦁ Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.
⦁ Marriage is like a game of chess. Except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke, and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome. - Jerry Seinfeld
⦁ I should have known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra, and she's a female dog.
⦁ Love is blind, and marriage is an institution for the blind. - Groucho Marx
⦁ I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. - Rita Rudner
⦁ Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. - Jim Carrey
⦁ A man is not complete until he marries. After that, he is finished. - Zsa Zsa Gabor
⦁ Women are like teabags. You don't know how strong they are until they're in hot water. - Eleanor Roosevelt
Life and Nature Funny Quotes
⦁ Nature always reminds me that I'm not the center of the universe... especially when I walk into a spider web.
⦁ I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.
⦁ So be wise, because the world needs more wisdom, and if you cannot be wise, pretend to be someone who is wise, and then just behave like they would. - Neil Gaiman
⦁ Inside abnormal, there is normal; inside nonsense, there is sense. - Onipede Ayomide
⦁ I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. - Noel Coward
⦁ Children are a great way to stay in shape. Running after them keeps you young. - Mignon McLaughlin
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